At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
