Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
