you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
