im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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