Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
