i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize