So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
we're so committed to being not committed
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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