That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
