kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
