Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
