I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
