i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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