U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
