I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
