You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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