i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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