i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
