the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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