We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
