you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
