did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize