With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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