We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
