Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
What a dumb baby whore.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
