So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I touched a dick in church today
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