Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
