well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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