Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Found your dick twin last night
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i now understand why vodka
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
