you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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