if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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