took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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