We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
