i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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