My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
