what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
