Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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