peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
