I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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