I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
