i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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