she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i've created a new STD.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
