My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
