Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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