he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
