The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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