just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
