so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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