yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
