He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
