you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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