the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
