I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
