So drunk its hurt
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
