PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
