No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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