theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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