i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
