he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
