I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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