is your mom at the bar?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
