She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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