There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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