I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So much Jack, so little girl.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
