is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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