brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
