hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
