Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
