I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
