Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
