The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
