I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
