): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
