I hate all girls vehemently.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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