Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
