Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
