Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
