your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
