I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
