how can u be prego again
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
