using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
