My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
