I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
and you fell through a lawn chair
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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