Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I cut my penus on the lid.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
