there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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