Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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