The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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