During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
