you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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