if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
