i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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