I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
