i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
