69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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