Having a random hookup so left but love u
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
