It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
