she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
