If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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